Mechanic humor

Just in case you need a laugh:

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one....


After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe
sheet,'which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.


P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last...

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

By the way, did I ever mention that my dad was a jet engine mechanic in the United States Air Force for 20 years? *wink*

Pregnancy changes everything

House cleaning, organizing, illustrating, working 8-5 at a day job, and an issue...

Lol. Yeah, you can say I'm having issues, I guess. I wasn't taking it too seriously because the baby was still moving around and seems to be fine, but when I called it in...

Well, here's what happened. Monday night/Tuesday morning after we'd been in bed for an hour or two I felt my stomach turn like I had to go potty super bad, super fast. I jumped up and headed for the bathroom but once I was in there, I blacked out. I sat on the toilet and the next thing I knew I was waking up on the floor in pain, with my husband shouting at me.

Apparently I fainted off of the toilet and hit the wall and/or the tub on my way down. I woke up with my face plastered to the floor in front of the tub and on my stomach. Hubby said I had my butt in the air when he found me but had to pull me out a bit because I was crumpled up between the toilet and tub. So I didn't land on my stomach, I just ended up there.

My face, head, neck and ankle hurt like crazy (mostly my face). My head and face swelled up immediately. I swear he must've hit me in the face with a skillet *giggle* because it is/was all on my right side. I split my lip in two places *ouch* when I tried to smile the next morning *super ouch* because the swelling was still there pulling my mouth tight. My nose and forehead still hurt to touch, my neck hurts to move and my ankle is still a bit sore from being wrapped around the toilet, but I'm fine. (Thank goodness for Tylenol.)

Anyway, I looked up fainting during pregnancy the next morning on the computer. Dizziness is common, but blacking out is not (who knew?). Three sites recommended calling the doctor. So I did. When they called back they said the doctor said it is not normal to black out and he's sending me to a neurologist. (This is the second time in the last 5 months that I've blacked out like this and injured myself.) My appointment is next Tuesday. A nurse said if it happens again between now and then that Hubby needs to get me to ER immediately and that depending on how the baby is handling it, they might have to induce. O_O (Say wha...?!) The doctor and nurse said that I shouldn't be alone in case it happens again.

So there it is. My pregnancy nightmare. My issue. Other than being a bit sore and swollen I feel otherwise fine. Same as I did just before it happened though, so I have to have a close eye on me. *rolls eyes* If I wasn't preganant, this wouldn't be as big of a deal. My thought on it anyway.

Vote for a Name

Lisa M. Griffin has come up with this adorable little piglet character and she's in need of a name! Head over to her blog to vote!

Poor little thing is heartsick waiting for the perfect name.

Itty Bitty Kitty

A while back I came across this pattern to crochet a tiny cat. I thought it would be perfect for my 6 year old daughter and her love of cats. Last night I sat down and set to work. When I was finished I took this Orchid kitty to my husband and asked him if he liked it. He said that he did. I asked him if our daughter would like it and he said no, she wasn't allowed to because it was his.

So, trial and error kitty goes to my husband and kitty number two - coming right up - will go to my daughter.

Thanks Yarni Gras for the pattern!

Plastic Bag "Yarn"

I found this post at Needlepointers.com and think it's a brilliant idea. I've been seeing this more and more lately. Though I wouldn't use it to make toys I think bags and hats and such would be a good way to recycle those old plastic bags.

You must check it out!

How to make Plastic Bag "Yarn"

Also here is a pattern for a bag to make once you've made your yarn: Plastic Bag Tote

Winter preparations

I get emails from Lion Brand Yarn and today I found this waiting for me in my inbox. It couldn't be better timing. What with a baby coming in November and a 6 (almost 7) year old needing new blankets/afghans this makes shopping for yarn that much better. I get to include myself!

I'm a big girl already but now with baby I'm a bit bigger. Weighing in at 262 pounds at the moment, I'm not exactly fitting into maternity clothes. In fact, I went to the mall last weekend for maternity bras and had to buy and extender because their sizes only go up to 40. I'm actually a 42 DD! I was shocked! I had to be measured because nothing fits right. She ended up handing me about a dozen or more 40 Es to try on. Know what E stands for? Yup, ENORMOUS!

So this enormous gal is in need of winter clothes that will fit. Considering that even the maternity stores around here are having difficulty realizing that even fat women can have babies I've been shopping in the Plus sizes at the local stores. Perhaps it's because of this that most people think I'm just getting fatter rather than carrying another person. lol Not entirely my fault. Even Target and Walmart are not up to date with Maternity plus wear!

Good thing someone out there notices that big girls (even with babies) like to be a bit stylish. I plan on buying this book and fitting some patterns in with my afghans and baby hats.

Want to join me?

Easy Fruit Crisp "Dump" Dessert

Yup! You guessed it. Another quick easy recipe. This one is for Ms Froggie and her tadpoles. The fruit can be swapped out to say cherry and blueberry if pineapple is not preferred and any little hands could help with this quick recipe. Considering it's a 'dump' recipe it's not pretty or perfect and it's ok if it's messy. A couple of ingredients and dessert is ready for tonight or tomorrow! Enjoy!


Betty Crocker's 4-Ingredient Dinners cookbook shares a recipe! Unbelievable! This 4-ingredient crisp goes together in only 5 minutes. Check out more Betty Crocker recipes at BettyCrocker.com!

Prep Time:15 min
Start to Finish:1 hr 30 min
Makes:12 servings


1 box Betty Crocker® SuperMoist® yellow cake mix
1/2 cup butter or margarine, melted
1 can (21 oz) cherry pie filling
1 can (8 oz) crushed pineapple, undrained


1. Heat oven to 350°F (325°F for dark or nonstick pan). In large bowl, stir together cake mix and butter until crumbly; set aside.

2. Spread pie filling and pineapple in ungreased 13x9-inch pan. Sprinkle cake mix mixture evenly over fruit.

3. Bake 39 to 46 minutes or until deep golden brown. Cool 30 minutes. Serve warm or cool. Store loosely covered.

High Altitude (3500-6500 ft): Heat oven to 375°F for all pans.

Nutrition Information

1 Serving: Calories 310 (Calories from Fat 100); Total Fat 11g (Saturated Fat 6g, Trans Fat 1 1/2g); Cholesterol 20mg; Sodium 330mg; Total Carbohydrate 50g (Dietary Fiber 0g, Sugars 33g); Protein 2g Percent Daily Value*: Vitamin A 6%; Vitamin C 4%; Calcium 8%; Iron 6% Exchanges: 1/2 Starch; 3 Other Carbohydrate; 0 Vegetable; 2 Fat Carbohydrate Choices: 3
*Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet.

Special Touch
How do you make this sensational comfort-food dessert even better? Serve it warm with ice cream or sweetened whipped cream.
Success
If using spread, use only the stick varieties that have more than 65% vegetable oil.
Substitution
SuperMoist® butter recipe yellow or white cake mix can also be used for this quick and easy dessert. Members of your family don't like pineapple? Use 2 cans of cherry pie filling instead!
Success
Children of all ages will enjoy making and eating this dessert. Just make sure they don't burn themselves with the melted butter or while using the hot oven.

Mistake

One more spike of fear. Once more he surfaced. When he sank again he tried to stroke and kick but his arms and legs only twitched. He sank deeper.

Confusion at water's edge

A few adjustments.


He dismounted and walked to the water’s edge. He crouched and splashed water onto his face. Wiping the water away with his hands he looked closely at the river, the current, and the opposite bank. What had been the last resort had become the only resort. The man must have crossed.

Paranoid

This is the final image as it will appear in the pamphlet.



After a moment a shiver raced down his spine and the hairs on the back of his neck stood up. He abruptly pulled in the reins and the horse stopped. He jerked around in the saddle and looked behind him. Again nothing.


I'm working with a writer on a Western. That's right... a Western. Here's my first attempt at an illustration from the text given above. The sketch came out well, so I thought I'd try to ink it to make it bolder. I'm a graphite artist. Perhaps I should stick to the pencils.

What do you think?

I miss some things

Sure we learned rather late that I was pregnant but as soon as I found out things changed. I had started smoking a year earlier (terrible and expensive habit, if you don't do it, don't start) and had to quit, no problem. I had a giant margarita about a week before we found out, which is rare but won't be happening again. I started buying more veggies and cheese, and even yogurt to help the growth of the baby and hopefully not my belly. I was on Weight Watchers when we found out and had to drop that too so I gave out my cooking books to someone else I hope can use them. In return she's sending me grab and go recipe cards from her local market. The thing I miss the most though, is caffiene.

I had a doctor's appointment yesterday to make sure the baby is doing good, things are growing as they should and that I'm ok too. The general pregnancy check-up stuff. I have only been to this office a couple of times, and this was the second time I've met with a doctor and it's been a different doctor each time. This one had asked me if I had any complaints.

'Yeah, I'm still tired all the time. I thought that was supposed to end after the first trimester.'

He asked me if I still drank caffiene. I told him no, I switched from Mt Dew to Sprite and drink more water and juice now. He said, good, keep it that way. One of the reasons you are more tired than usual is because your body is still adjusting to the lack of caffiene.

Wow! I must have really been addicted. Like pump it into me through an IV kind of addicted. We've known and been off of such addictions for at least two months now and I'm still having withdrawls.

If anyone out there knows of a safe, effective way to gain some energy that won't hurt the baby, I'm begging you to share it with me. Puh-lease?

Mother and Son

The portrait is done. I'm tempted to drive to her house to offer it to her. I hear she broke down at work after she saw the work in progress. I don't want to make her cry at work. If it touches her enough to become emotional, it's something best saved for home.

An idea

I have too many clothes. Way too many. A lot of them are worn out, broken hand me downs I never bothered to fix, or clothes that have been outgrown. On top of it all, I got a bag of boy's clothes from a cousin for the new baby. Clothes are everywhere. Our laundry baskets are full of clean clothes that never get worn, so the dirty clothes go in piles on the floor. It's terrible!

Some of the clothes could be given to a thrift store, but some of it would have to be thrown away... Or would it? My family has hand me down everything. Books, magazines, clothes, toys, even quilts and bedding sheets. Our blankets and quilts are worn and/or have holes. Before I landed my current position I was a seamstress. Apparently good enough to train others. Why not use that and cut up the clothes that can't be salvaged and make our own quilts? Nothing fancy, of course, just something to keep us warm. I may not be able to afford yarn every time I want to crochet a new toy or baby outfit, but I sure can find a way to recycle our old clothes.

So that is the idea. Here's the problem that goes with it. I can sew, but I have never quilted. lol

Help?!